Sex scenes in movies are bullshit

Nitpicking porn - awww yeah

OK, but seriously. Every time I've ever seen an uncomfortable sex scene, there's so many things that are wrong with it.

First, virgins. Listen, you might be the one in a million women that has a fantastic first time with no pain, but the rest of us don't. Those muscles are tight and probably not used to accepting anything larger or wider than a tampon. Proper lubrication can help with that, but the way most movie depictions happen, they just slide right on in as though the woman is obviously gushing love juice.

Also, don't feed me that shit that they're instantly moaning in pleasure. You don't have fifteen G spots, and to become that sensitive takes a long regiment of masturbation and exploration. Cliturbation, as an example, helps make the G spot more sensitive and thus makes penetrative sex more enjoyable and pleasurable.

Pleasurable, pleasurable, pleasurable...

Needless to say, you got to get a lady warmed up. Dudes too. Cramming your various bits into holes is not exactly a welcome thing without a warm-up (usually).

With that in mind, foreplay is SERIOUSLY stupid in movies. Boobies > oral > blowjob for fifteen minutes > sex > maybe anal if we're in a porn.

There's more areas on humans to heat them up. The neck, the ears, the inner thigh. That's one of the biggest drawbacks -- Hollywood and porno Hollywood aren't very good at depicting, you know, romance.

I can't even tell you how many movies I've seen that use that "quirky romantic comedy" formula. Nor how many times that crap makes me want to barf. It's especially bad when people try to make it "poetic" or "deep". Real romance is hard to depict, because it's the little moments that make it, the chemistry, the memories. In movies where two people have to bang by the end of it, that's probably not going to happen.

"Dude is sexy and dangerous. Opening vagina in 3...2..."

I think media needs a bit of an evolution in their depiction of sex and romance. For the whored!