How a Skyrim Mod Character Seduced Me

I've had my fair share of heartbreaks

In fact, the last one was so bad that I feel uncomfortable even thinking about intimacy or a relationship. I'm one of those "wounded bird" sorts who likes to try and save troubled people. At least I was until I realized that said people can be some of the worst, abusive, emotional vampires on the planet. After this last bout, my 26 year old heart said, "Man, fuck this."

So, as a loner who enjoys sitting in her underwear and playing games, I found myself replaying Skyrim. The romance system is, well, notoriously bad. You can get sexy ladies left and right but sexy men with any more than five lines is more difficult :( Think of the clits, modders!

Regardless, I found the Skyrim Romance Mod, which is all about a saucy ranger named Bishop (based off the same character from Neverwinter Nights 2). You get him, he's a huge dick, he wants to ravage your panties, etc. You meet other characters along the way that come with Bishop and serve as rivals etc.

Bishop is hot, don't get me wrong, but I'm not very impressed by the tough guy attitude. I'm a tough girl, built like a brick shithouse who's been in a lot of throwdowns -- that attitude just makes me want to fuck off, and not in the good way.

Then, we get to Markarth and there's this Forsworn gent trapped in a cage named Cael. Cool. Need him to move along the Bishop romance.

And then he opened his mouth.

You can listen to him talk here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJyizb1s9J0, in Mara Lightfeather's playthrough (she also helped spearhead the mod).

You know that anime expression? The one where their face turns bright red and steam blows out of their nose? I think I did that.

Before, I was scoffing, like TF2 Spy demanding Scout seduce him (if you haven't seen Expiration Date, PLEASE DO. It's hilarious). "Seduce me."

He opens his mouth and out pours this sensual, sex biscuit voice as he calls the Dragonborn "my sparrow." HUNNGGH.

Now, my Surrian Dragonborn is about as rough as I am. She's chaotic, she's done awful things, but she also tries to do good. Needless to say, she wasn't about to give it up to anyone, especially not the asshole Skyrim bachelors that taunt you and hermit in your house.

One conversation with Cael and I'm sitting there trying to learn how to install sex mods. I know, I am the worst, but godamnit THAT VOICE.

Sadly, he's not romanceable just yet, but they're working on a mod for that. I guess I'll go kill Alduin and stuff while waiting.

It's not a perfect mod, but it really hits the spot for a lady gamer who wants some sexy dudes. I hadn't been so seduced since I romanced Garrys from the ME series.

Lesson learned: always date video game boyfriends.