The Battle of Two Families: Jerry Springer Edition.

A tale of romance, intrigue, two sides of my family getting into a fist fight. 

Yaaaay

This is a story that is one of those "You had to be there" sort of deals, but ones that people are horrified at; personally, I think it's fucking hilarious.

To set the scene, my elderly father had just undergone knee surgery, and we had family down taking advantage of our pool and the Florida weather.

So, we had: Tammy, David, Rachel and Rachel's two daughters who's names elude me. What part of the family they were, I have no idea, but Rachel was on parole, Tammy was 60 and drunk and a complete twat and David had recently undergone surgery for having a heart attack. We also had two of my older half-sisters, Kim and Cary.

90% of the house is drunk and from Kentucky. We are in Florida. It can only end so well.

As far as I know, it began when Tammy told my younger sister to gtfo out of her bedroom so Rachel's girls could take a nap. My two half-sisters sprang into action, naturally telling them that they hadn't even been invited, this was there house, etc -- to the two young girls.

ಠ_ಠ

 I venture from my cave and the older girl is sobbing and apologizes to me for coming when they were unwelcome. I was derped, it was a rare day off, but I assure her it's fine and think that is it. 

I was wrong. 

Next thing I know, Cary and Kim are ganging up on Rachel, who is quietly packing their bags and trying to head out. I'm stood in the hallway and watching the train wreck in progress when Cary opens her mouth and tells Rachel, "You need to get your godamned kids and go." 

ಠ_ಠ

Rachel, understandably, turns around and asks, "Really, Cary?" And then comes the first blow -- BAM, Rachel delivers a swift punch to Cary's cheek. Cary, being drunk as fuck, stumbles and cracks her head on the living room table. Kim has tackled Rachel on to the air mattress they were using, they're scrapping, Cary is sobbing about how she's never been in a fight before and she can't believe Rachel hit her (after threatening to woop ass for the last several hours). 

Fuck my life.