Showing posts with label assholes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label assholes. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

How am I meant to feel about Kratos?

I'm a mythology slut - sue me

 

I am an absolute lover of mythology worldwide. Naturally, when this is the case, Greek and Roman mythology is sure to come up. So, when God of War started it's initial run, I was thrilled. You get to fight the Hydra! Squeeee! (I also am a whore for sea monsters, shut up).

Better yet, Hades wasn't the villain for once! It really jams in my craw when they make him the villain in a majority of representations. Looking at you Clash of the Titans remake. Regardless, I really liked the God of War series.

At least, until God of War 3 came out.

Now, I understand that Kratos is no kind of hero. He's violent, bloodthirsty and a real dick to people trying to escape the chaos that seems to follow him. Sure, you can see him as a tragic hero, but that's sort of the same mentality people take when looking at Hercules / Heracles. Dude did amazing stuff, saved a lot of people. He also brutally murdered a lot of people. Hercules was known for flying into violent rages, and for being at constant odds with Hera.

So, Kratos is basically Hercules but the total dark side of him. Cool.

The downside is that, in God of War 3, Kratos is so utterly obsessed with revenge that he basically destroys the entire planet. No care to the millions of people dying, he needs to sort out his daddy issues! They pull that shit with Pandora, hope, etc, but I still felt...dirty playing as Kratos. Yeah, the Gods are dicks, that's no secret, but we're not exactly taking the high ground. Hera was right to get in his face in a drunken rage. Kratos did the classy thing and snapped her neck and then used her corpse to solve a puzzle.

Neat.

Like I've mentioned before, I play mostly a Paragon. I don't like being a dick in games. I especially don't like it when games force me to be a dick. There's so little chance for redemption for Kratos.



Whatevs. Let's go fuck Aphrodite right in front of her husband.

Monday, February 22, 2016

The People of Skyrim are Assholes.



One More Sass Out of You and I will Summon ALL the Dragons! 



Oh, guards, you so silly. 

I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. The Dragonborn can pretty much take over Skyrim, conquer a slew of Guilds, control the weather, the sun -- and the denizens of Skyrim will still give you fucking sass.

I am standing here in Legendary Armor, fucking levitating with two dragons standing behind me. Could. You. Fucking. NOT.

Seriously, Bethesda, I never got this. I know they're all meant to be tough and no nonsense. Life is hard in Skyrim, I get it. I spent a LONG time cleaning up that shit because no one else was going to freaking do it. Stopped the end of the world, killed the Emperor, I mean...Talos above.

Sure, you can mod it on the PC so the guards and NPCs give you more respect, but I originally played Skyrim all the way to level 81 on the PS3. Before I played it, I was pretty much 100% Paragon. I couldn't even finish Dead Rising because I felt so shitty when all of my rescue people got themselves killed like morons.

Get Skyrim on PC > Look forward to being a hero > get to Riften > Quit > Create Surrian (a very chaotic neutral character from my personal works of fiction) > Wreck shit.

Many assholes were stabbed, many throats were slit, and when the towns tried to attack me I summoned an undead dragon to massacre it.

You made me do this, Skyrim. YOU MADE ME THIS WAY.